The Frog Princess

The first time i laid eyes on Dan was at a Jaycee function, it was the same day that i was inducted as a baby jaycee. I remember i couldn’t take my eyes off Dan, he looked so gwapo in a polo and jacket (unlike the other guests who were in barong.) Dan stood out not only because he was underdress but he stood out coz despite the unlikely fashion, he wore the best bling bling that day…he had the sweetest smile that could give even give a woman wearing dentures a toothache.

Im not very fond of watching the news coz it depresses me, but when Dan is the one reporting, i take time watching what its all about. That time i didn’t know that he was a reporter so imagine my happiness when i saw him one morning reporting for a crime scene. i thought that would be enough. then…. today, while watching Star talk, Butch Francisco announced that Dan Campilan passed away due to a car accident that happen on his way back from a report. overwhelmed with the news that i just heard, i feel numb. im sad but not cyring, numb but full of emotions. a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

DAN CAMPILAN (GMA7 news reporter/ Ortigas Jaycees member) October 7, 2006. Rest in peace. He was 24 years old.

He will be missed.

For the longest time…sinabi na ito nang lahat ng taong nagbabago na, if he could turn back time, he would choose not to do drugs or kung babae, siguro naging mas careful pa siya kung di siguro nakatapos pa siya nang pag-aaral niya.

Pero ako, I honestly didn’t think there would be one thing na I’d change in my life. Feeling ko kasi lahat ng pinagdaanan ko though brought me tremendous pain or hardship, feeling ko lahat naman yon helped me to become a stronger person in facing what else that lies ahead. But it wasn’t until yesterday, that I was reminded of that one thing na I wish hindi na lang nangyari sa buhay ko.

It was the day I met Tani.
Kung hindi ko siguro siya kinaibigan, siguro ngayon mas masaya ako sa buhay ko. Kung hindi ko sana siya kinausap baka ngayon hindi ako nahihirapan. Mabait naman si Tani pero…ewan ko, hanggang ngayon hindi ko tiyak kung naging totoong kaibigan ko ba siya or sa tingin ko lang dahil sa kagustuhan kong magkaron ng “gwapong” kaibigan, hehehe Di maikakaila na magandang lalaki si Tani pero sa pagkakakilala ko sa kanya tila hanggang dun lang ang kagandahan niya.

Akala ko sapat na ang pitong taong “magkaibigan” kami, akala ko sapat na yon para pagkatiwalaan ko yung “friendship” that I thought we have. But it seems iba pala ang pananaw namin sa friendship namin. Very emotional akong tao, I’m not afraid to profess my love kung sigurado akong mahal ko na yung taong yon at alam yon ng mga kaibigan ko. Akala ko kasi sa tagal na magkaibigan kami, inakala ko na naiintindihan niya yon. Pero iba….

Nung magkaibigan pa kami halos umikot ang mundo ko sa kanya, siya lang kasi ang nagtyatyagang tawagan ako at kausapin ako pag kelangan ko ng kausap. Kaya nung araw na ayaw na niya akong maging kaibigan, para akong namatayan. For the first few months, feeling ko natanggalan ako ng isang paa…parang a part of me was taken away. Nagalit, nainis, naguluhan at lahat na ata na panget na pwede kong maramdaman. I felt betrayed.

Kahapon, after almost 4 years na hindi pag-uusap….nakita ko siya. Naglalakad sa mall, walang kasama. Hindi ko na siya kilala. Nung makita ko siya hindi pa ako sigurado kung siya nga yung nakikita ko. Ngayon, he’s just a face in the crowd. Hindi ko na siya kilala.

helast sunday i saw an old classmate but i wasnt sure if it was him so i didnt say hello. so if in case he gets to read this:

GUZZI, HELLO! CONGRATS ON YOUR HAVING A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER and AN EQUALLY BEAUTIFUL WIFE

and to another one, to the professor who gave me UNO

SIR ICKO, CONGRATULATIONS. SABI NGA SA BIBLE: Humayo kayo’t magpakarami!

the other day pinakita na yung bagong series ni Rain my love…yung a LOVE TO KILL! Grabe, marunong na talaga mag english si Rain ko (he’s miiiiine!!!!!huwahahahaha!)Pero kinilig ako nung sinabi niyang "kapamilya" mo ako (as in to the highest heavens na eto!) Although kapuso talaga ako, naunuod lang ako sa channel 2 ng mga piling-piling palabas lang…most likely the shows na hindi sila ang gumawa, hehehe (except MMK….idol ko si jeffrey jeturian)

being a member of the "NBSB" society or the "No Boyfriend Since Birth" (kahit admirer…WALA! zero…nada)Ni walang naligaw na manligaw, as in wala man lang nagkamaling mag try…WALA TALAGA!!!! huwaaaaaaa =0( Ewan ko kung baket, the only reason i can think of was most probably mukha akong mataray kaya nga lately im giving much effort on smiling. Kahit na masakit na yung bibig ko at mukha na akong may katok for smiling for no apparent reason…smile pa rin ako. =0)

we just had our Lord’s Day Celebration for SFC…hay! tapos na ang CLP…yipeeee! Yipeeee coz mahihiwalay na rin ako sa mala maletang red bag na kelangan kong dalin every saturday and graduate na ako sa pagsusulat ng songs sa manila paper na ang dali mapunit (grrrr!)Pero meron akong mamimiss. Mamimiss ko yung tatlo kung inspirasyon. Sigh….

Pero kanina…as in sa wakas talaga, nakausap ko na yung isa na muntik na akong mahimatay nung nakausap ko siya…as in gusto ko kaya tumakbo palayo! hahahahha

It was my dad who said, "Anak, dapat kasi makipag-flirt ka sa kanila, para malaman nila na interesado ka." (hehehe) I guess my dad wanted me to be more friendly and approachable, coz the term "flirty" doesn’t sound so as a good advice, dont you think? Unfortunately, ako ata ang babaeng walang ka-amor amor sa katawan. Hindi ako marunong maki-"flirt"…na rerealize ko pa lang na mukha akong "sabik" nanlilimahid na ako sa sarili ko. (hay, eh pano kaya yon noh!?)

Ayoko tumanda mag-isa, Lorrrrrd! kudasai!!!!

Kaya eto, tuloy pa rin…sisimulan ko sa ngiti. Tapos….bahala na si Batman =0)

i have a very bad case of stagefright pero unlike some peeps suffering my "disease", i choose to face my fears….(i have so far….some)

I’ve never auditioned ever for anything (not anything as big as disney productions) lemme see, i have auditioned for the theatre club in highschool (that was abolished because kulang sa funds!) then i auditioned for musical theatre in college (that was abolished too coz there weren’t too many members) come to think of it, everytime i would have the nerve to finally go to an audition and get in….bigla na lang something happens its as if its telling me i’m badluck enough to it! Pero that didn’t stopped me from trying and it took me 4 years to finally get the nerve to try again…..

my brother naman talaga ang sanay sa mga auditions, i usually just watch or applaude him for the success. I’ve never never tried out for any competition…ever!!!!!

"kung hindi ngayon? kelan pa, di ba?!"

kahit hindi ako makuha atleast na experience ko siya. =0)

problem ko! wala pa akong song…june 2 na ang the audition is on the 7th of JUNE!!!!! yikes….HELP LORRRRD!!!!

My dad just turned 65 last Sunday and that day more than ever, reminded me that he will be more annoying than ever.

My dad and i are pretty close….i think that’s one of the reasons my mom always has a feud with him coz she couldn’t figure out the bond that we have that she couldn’t have me. We’re like buddies. But as my dad grows nearer his "katandaan" its becoming more difficult to keep being in that "bond" with him. Sometimes he forgets that he’s the mature person and that he’s my father.

My dad is forever frustrated over being the oldest non-lolo among his peers. Like when he meets up with his friends, they compare stories about their grandchildren and my dad would be listening and envious of them coz up to know the only baby he ever have at home….is me!

I used to like hanging out with my dad anywhere but now i would have to take in consideration the places that he and i can’t be together. For one, i try not to have my check-ups with my ASIAN HOSPITAL doctors with him. Why? Because unless the doctor is legally married….he sees an opportunity for that doctor (lalo na if he’s meztiso…he knows my type!)to be his brother-in-law! Some people who are in "that" age of their lives would pick on an object to obsess with, could be their favorite pair of shoes or shirt. But my dad….when it comes to finding me a boyfriend….THAT is his favorite object!

Gawddd! i can only hope these doctors were taught how to deal with people like my dad. The idea of having a boyfriend for me is really stressing, i don’t even want to think about it.

it’s tiring.

hi applied for job that trains as art teachers. i was so confident i was going to get hired this time coz this is my league…the arts! but i guess no one can really be too sure bout anything anymore….i’ve lost all bit of hope i have in the system.

i need a miracle!

baket ganon? napakahirap para sa akin ang lubusang umaasa na may pagmamahal na dadarating. mas madali sa akin ang magparaya kesa ang umaasang may pag-ibig na babalik sa akin.

wala na siyang balak bumalik dito gusto na niya kung asan siya…gusto ko ng i-give up ang mahalin siya. pero ayaw ng puso ko.

ganito na lang ba talaga ako? hanggang dito na lang lagi?

sigh…

nag-start na ang simbang gabi nung december 16 and eversince i was cured from ttp 5 years ago (grabe 5 years na pala!!!!?!) i vow to complete attending the dawn masses.

God was so good to me kaya i had a hard time thinking of a request…(coz totoo, when you complete the dawn masses and you ask for something, it comes true!) pero mukhang mahihirapan si God with this year. Coz this year, i ask that he grants me a GG. Not a galunggong but a GG as in God’s gift. Yun ang term that we use sa Singles for Christ referring to our "boyfriend/girlfriend".

so sana nga….God finds me a GG.

*sigh 

:o\

What started as a joke became the biggest regret of my 3 month stay as volunteer for an organization. It became my greatest karma and worst heartache. Today as I bid farewell to 4 of my favorite things I also gave away my heart along with it.

It will take some time before I get used to realizing that I don’t have my favorite things with me anymore though I know I would somehow in the right time.

I have a weird fetish with regards to things I own. I will shed tears for a lost bookmark, cry over a missing stuffed toy or get upset over a misplaced comb. People don’t understand why I would be so attached with mere objects, material things that are replaceable in the first place!

What they don’t know is that, it’s not the object that I grieve for. It’s the sentimental value of each. When that object represents a memory of something or someone it is the value which makes it less just a mere object.